Are you Lazy?  Is that bad?

When I was a child, my Mother told me I was lazy.  I know she had enough evidence to support her claim, yet I’m also sure her intent was not to hurt me, or for that message to stay with me into adulthood — but, it did. Now, when I want to just lay on the couch and watch TV in my pajamas – I feel too anxious to enjoy it. It would be lazy and I am not lazy.

I’ve considered laziness bad in my book, as  it was certainly what I learned from my Mother.  I now feel this need to keep busy, to stay focused, and to be productive.  All of that is not bad!  But, what I have not given myself is a chance to just do nothing at times.  Sometimes, I don’t want to take that walk or read that article.  Sometimes, I want to simply take it easy and give myself time to float.  I know that recharging your battery is needed, and it’s inportant to give your body and mind time to rest.  Even knowing that, I hear that nagging voice in my head saying,  ‘If you do that – ‘you are lazy’ and being lazy is bad.”

When Executives are interviewed about what makes them productive, most of them mention some type of quiet time.  They say that they get clarity, focus, or an answer to some critical issue they’ve been dealing with.  You could say – they allow themselves ‘time to float’ for a little while.  It’s in our downtime that new ideas come to us, that solutions to problems just appear.  What if we could pay attention to the gift that allowing ourselves to be lazy can give us?

I offer this to you: Consider what messages you were given – unintentionally — by people in your life that mattered, such as your parents, a teacher or a minister.  Who left you with a limiting belief that is getting in the way of you enjoying your life to the fullest?  Ask yourself if that message is still accurate today.  Maybe it’s true for you somedays, or maybe not at all.  The option we have is to change our perspective.

Some questions to consider:

— What messages have I been given that I believe to be true about myself?  For example: I am lazy; I am not good at math; I have no common sense; etc.

— Question if those beliefs are really true. 

— Question if they are true, are they bad traits

— Make a list of what traits you have that you are proud of

— Make a list of those traits you are not proud of – why not?

— Consider owning the ones that are true that you are not proud of – they are a part of what makes you special.  Just as lazy is just a part of me – it does not define me. 

Today, I am enjoying a new-found comfortableness with being lazy.  I choose to be lazy today.   I have changed my perspective on it, and I like the idea of embracing my lazy parts. 

One part of coaching is uncovering these limiting beliefs that you have held most of your life.  We work together to look at them and consider if they are still serving you. What’s holding you back from choosing to be exactly how you need to be? 

Our words are powerful. For example:

• When we say, “I am so busy,” there’s a rush of adrenaline that runs through us, as our bodies prepare to go to battle to accomplish all we need to get done.
• When we say, “I am doing great; I can handle everything on my plate.” Our bodies begin to relax. We feel confident as we go about our day.

It’s all about perspective. If you believe there’s enough time to get it all done, you’ll find the time. You will prioritize what’s most important, and gain clarity about what to do first. You can then see what is possible.

We can’t always choose what life throws at us, but we do get to decide how we react to those situations. For me, my A-ha moment came when I realized that I was using “victim” words often. I found myself saying things like I “have to” call my Sister; I “have to” exercise; I “have to” have lunch with a friend today. Each of those was a choice instead. I could choose to do those things, or not. When I began to change the words I used to “choose to” instead of “have to,” I felt a renewed sense of peace and contentment.

For several years, I’ve been showing my clients the power of those “victim words” like have to; need to; should; or can’t, rather than dreading it. The way we characterize something can change the way we feel about it.

For just one week, try to be aware of when you’re using victim words, and make a conscious choice to change them when you can.  You will feel more in charge of your life, and less like your life is happening to you.

Email me and let me know how this small change has impacted your life.  

I’ve either made or broken more new years resolutions than anyone I know.  From that experience, I can wholly appreciate why they don’t work.  These resolutions are based on a list of tasks – do this and I will have this.  Lose weight and I will be happy.  They seem to be filled with ‘shoulds’ and we tend to lose interest in tasks we feel like we should do after just a few weeks.  

Instead of these empty and uninspiring promises, I believe in setting intentions instead.  An intention is a powerful reminder of how you choose to show up, to feel, or to be in the new year.  To crystallize this intention, I recommend setting a word of the year. This word should evoke energy, images, and emotion for you.  A word of the year says not what you want to do, but how you want to be in this coming year. 

Through a  process of getting clear this week, I pared my list down to the one word: ‘allow’.  It wasn’t a word that I had thought about at length, but when I did the process — that I will outline for you further down in this post – this word just popped out.  For me, allowing means to just relax and to let things happen.  I have a tendency to hold tight to my goals – to try to control the outcome.  Instead of gripping on, or forcing outcomes, I want to allow things to happen and also, to allow for the unexpected. 

This opens me up to:

• Allow lazy days
• Allow for prosperity and abundance
• Allow for new surprises
• Allow for mistakes
• Allow for greatness
• Allow for clarity
• Allow for relationships
• Allow my body to be healthy

To pick YOUR word of the year, generate a list of possible words and start to pick at least 3-4 that resonate with you.  Next, start asking yourself these questions:

• Why do I think this is the best word for me? 
• If I embodied this word, what would be different for me on an average day? 
• What could I attract this year if this was my word?

Once you have it, remember it!  Set it up as a reminder on your phone.  Say it out loud during your day.  I know that just one word can make an impact on how your year goes.  Try it and let me know how it’s going for you. 

Happy New Year!

Four years ago, I was happy, blessed and felt guilty if I ever dared admit that I wasn’t satisfied. I was stuck, but I couldn’t even say it out loud. I knew something had to shift.

I decided to give coaching a try and hired an Executive Coach. Through the coaching process, I admitted to my coach that I was coasting – not living my life full out. Together, we examined my vision (I did not have one before that), my goals, and my gifts. I felt inspired and ready to dig a little deeper.

Next, we started the more challenging part – making changes and taking action! Change can be scary. Sometimes it’s more comfortable to stay where we are than to step out into something new. I would take two steps forward, and then fear would step in, and I would fall back. My inner critic, which says, “You are not good enough” spoke up loudly when I would try something new. That critic was trying to keep me safe – to keep me from failing. I realized I needed to fall and get back up. Now that voice is still there, but it whispers. I can choose to listen or not. I prefer to listen to my wisest self – my intuition. That voice within us that’s always moving us toward our best life.

Fast forward four years, I am now a professional coach and a full-time speaker and trainer. I have chosen to fill my life with people and work that lift me up. Today, I did a yoga class, went to Starbucks and took an online course I’ve been putting off. In the grocery style aisle, I suddenly realized – I am there! I am happy and fulfilled, and while I haven’t wholly accomplished my vision, I can see the path to get there.

I do give my coach a lot of credit for pushing me, for making me question the status quo and for forcing me to speak up about what I wanted in my life. I also give myself credit for doing the hard work that it took to uncover the answers to all of those questions.

As a coach myself now, I get to work with people who are successful, smart and kind; People who want to make a change, even if they don’t know what that is. I had someone say to me recently, “I thought you had to have it all together to work with a coach; had to know what you were going to work on.” I told her that part of the work is uncovering what we would work on together.

Coaching is powerful. There are just no two ways about it. I am not powerful – my clients are. I don’t create success – my clients do.
So, today I am aware that I am living the dream that I shared all those years ago. A dream where I had space and freedom and choice. I have all of those things.

I had the opportunity to work with four amazing women in my signature group coaching program called, ‘The Happiness Journey’.  For three months, these women set three intentions that were important to them and worked to create them.  They dug deep to determine what happiness looks like for them and what they are missing or what is getting in the way of having that.   I have had a chance to really get to know these women and they have gotten to know each other.  I have watched them be vulnerable with each other – watched the veils of who we want the world to see us as change to who we really are.  I appreciate the difficulty it takes to strip down and say to someone else – this is not working in my life.  Each of them have grown in their own ways and I believe are more clear about what happiness look like for them and each are making that a priority in their lives. (more…)