“That’s what I call bouncing,” said Eeyore. “Taking people by surprise. Very unpleasant habit. I don’t mind Tigger being in the Forest,” he went on, “because it’s a large Forest, and there’s plenty of room to bounce in it. But I don’t see why he should come into my little corner of it, and bounce there. It isn’t as if there was anything very wonderful about my little corner. Of course for people who like cold, wet, ugly bits it is something rather special, but otherwise it’s just a corner, and if anybody feels bouncy —
~ (Eeyore), A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
As I learn new things, I like to share them. I am a work in progress and have made grave mistakes in my marriages, my parenting, and my friendships over my lifetime – all in trying to do it right.
Personally, the people I love have had sadness and anxiety and even some anger recently and I don’t handle that well. As a personal growth coach, I want to fix it- talk them out of it and make it somehow better.
In my childhood, there was chaos and my need for harmony was bigger than my need for love. If I could calm the waters by making my family laugh – for that second I had won. When I had a baby, when she cried I rushed to fix what was wrong. My intentions have not been wrong but misguided.
When someone is hurting, it is my responsibility to hold the container/ space for them to share that hurt and then ask them to tell me all about it. They need to be heard and understood. They don’t need me or want me to fix it. By moving too fast in trying to fix the problem I have made those that I love to feel that having those feelings and expressing them.
Is somehow wrong or at the very least wasted energy. I have skipped that part for most of my life. To those I love most – I am sorry for that.
There is a great example of Tigger and Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Tigger is happy and optimistic and Eeyore is negative and always sees what is wrong. When Eeyore becomes Eeyorish – this makes Tigger more “Tiggerish” and only pushes Eeyore to convince Tigger that
he is right. It never makes Eeyore see Tigger’s point of view. It is hopeless.
I wonder if you are Tigger or Eeyore?
I wonder if you have jumped to fixing instead of listening?
I wonder what would happen to our relationships if we allowed people to have hard emotions and held space for them?
This is what I know, life is in those messy broken parts of each of us. Growth comes out of those times and we will never forget those that held us when we cried.
May I be that person.